Meet the officers:
Managing Director - Shaddai
As the leader of the guild, Shaddai is tasked with keeping things running and ensuring that raids thread the needle between fun and successful.
He has raided since vanilla and has an excellent track record with the exception of the time he staged a hunger strike with Operator Tho'gar over their mutual love of trains.
However, the vast majority of Shaddai's time is spent putting out fires caused by his fellow officers.
Chancellor - Merkel
Merkel has a deep passion for history and lore, both in game and out. He believes that we can learn much from the empires of the past and that this information will be essential in forming a united standing army for the European Union.
Merkel also provides a friendly ear to his fellow guildmates with NDIS packages in the form of his autism counselling service.
In shadowlands, Merkel is stepping up to take on the role of main tank in raids. He is also the official guild streamer.
Lies about prepatch.
Executive GM - Arbitera
Arbitera combines his powers of autism and being a bit of a general bipolar cunt in attempts to bring smiles to the faces of his guildies. Unfortunately, this has yet to be successful and more often results in his being banned from discord.
Arbitera leads the healers by example, but it is often a terrible one. He has a weakaura for detecting tranquillity just so he can immediately cast revival before going back to spamming tiger palm.
Avoid this man.
General Manager - Ellie
Ellie is one of the more skilled multi-role players in the guild and is always ready to lend a hand in a variety of different content scenarios, despite being mute.
She also ranks as one of our most educated members. In addition to experience in information systems, Ellie was recently awarded her PhD in Women's Studies at the prestigious Kopalco Institute.
In her spare time, she volunteers with underprivileged pirates outside the main circle of Freehold, advocating for bodily autonomy and equal rights.
General Manager - Stabby
Stabby is the guild's ranged powerhouse. Whether it's on the warlock or his hunter, Stabby always does his best so that the lesser classes such as monks can still be a part of the raid.
However, after a freak eldritch accident on the eve of his thirteenth birthday, Stabby lost all patience and would never again regain it.
Some say that the decaying corpse of that obnoxious truck driver that minorly offended him is still sitting in receiving, awaiting a ward that will never arrive.
General Manager - Raretrevor
Rare had always wanted to be a feral druid from the early days, but Activision Blizzard did not share his optimism for the spec.
As time and the expansions wore on, Rare's once youthful vigour was replaced by the seeds of hatred. Jealously began to fester within him. The fellow melee were underserving of Blizzard's boon and he would soon show them all.
The once kind pharmacist was soon caught selling Sudafed in excessive quantities to liberal arts students.
We welcome Rare back to the team after his brief stint in corrections.
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Meet the members:
Grano was only three years old when his family fled the crumbling Yugoslavia at the height of the slav wars. Despite his age, this event would leave a lasting impact on the boy.
Today there is a legend among the alliance of Frostmourne, of a player so bloodthirsty that they dare not break ranks for fear of the incoming dagger in the dark. For the true mark of the warrior comes not from pure strength but from the persistence of camping a corpse for 18 hours out of pure hatred.
War mode is not an option. It is a way of life. Faction balance be damned.
Gazza is the no-nonsense mythic plus guru of the guild who is always keen to take the lead, often with a cool and time efficient strategy that you've never heard of.
Did you know that you can enter the Konami code to befriend the brawlers in Freehold? Gazza does.
Did you know that you can snapshot pretty much any dickhead in Atal'dazar? Gazza does.
Did you know that binding roll and chi torpedo to multiple keys is dangerous? Gazza does, but Tien does not.
Rolis the type of player to simultaneously raid in both classic and retail and for that reason alone he commands fear, confusion and respect among his peers.
As a member of the healing team, Rolis takes great pleasure in watching the peasants dance back and forth within the throes of the flame. Will they receive holy benevolence or will they perish? Only the whim of Rolis can decide that.
Just don't make him go shadow.
Don Bacon is a local guild celebrity who rose to fame after several appearances on the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast where he recounts experiences of true crime and the recreational use of various banned substances.
On the eve of one raid, a random mook approached Don Bacon. A challenge to authority was made. Could the don really make it to KFC in time to purchase 10 sliders, all without disturbing the line of cocaine on the dash and semen-soaked prostitute sleeping in the back?
Don Bacon would eat well. "Ci sei cascato come una pirla." The mook was not seen again.
Tien is often described as the paragon of the guild. If it were not for the ever watchful eye of Tien, it is likely that many in the guild would not survive. Given his status, it is not surprising that Tien has the power to globally mute all other players on discord.
When he is not studying the teachings of the white tiger, Tien offers his guidance to his comrades in raiding and dungeons. He is ever present, but not ever-living.
For whenever Tien triggers a wipe by hurtling off into the distance, he states, "Do not concern yourself with failure my children. Focus on rising every time you fall."
The key was binned shortly thereafter.
Moo is a man of very refined culinary tastes who has learned much from the influences of Western Imperialism in the Asian continent and subcontinent.
For it is true that despite modern attitudes to equality, the cuisine of all Asian cultures is not created equally. The inferiority of the Indian subcontinent is especially apparent to Moo, describing the lingering smell of curry as "problematic" and "gross." In the coming months, Moo will appear on a BBC panel to discuss cultural intolerance and the smell of food.
Moo's favourite dungeon is Waycrest Manor, although he criticises the Waycrest family for employing cultism over the more traditional indentured servitude.
Boy enjoys his spare time in the guild when he is not at work securing the borders of the second best island nation in the Commonwealth.
He is a keen connoisseur of the humble kebab, but more importantly, a confidant to Chancellor Merkel. With the power of friendship, Boy steers Merkel away from the domination victory, at least for the time being.
Boy has wowed other guild members with his feats as a demon hunter this expansion, managing to maintain maximum "OUSS OUSS" dps without pulling on "2" and blaming Shaddai.
Sorbie is the guild's resident class specialist. He has a max level geared character of every class in the game but somehow cannot play any of them well.
Sorbie will be levelling four death knights in the new expansion before abandoning them all to play a backstab rogue due to it being the current metagame.
He enjoys slow walks in the park with his army of cats, whom he adores. Like the Don, Sorbie also hails from Sicily. He is currently undertaking community service for racketeering by teaching small children to play Yu-Gi-Oh. It turns out that insurance companies become suspicious after several piss soaked gaming rigs.
Zab is the self described better half of Ellieb and a man of fine culture and brewing. However, beneath the facade of his immaculate dress and groomed face lies a secret that not many know.
If it means securing a laugh for his comrades, Zab will peruse the darkest bowels of content on the internet before repacking it so that others don't have to sully their browsing history.
Risky clicks for that underage child that is actually a 10,00 year old dragon hentai? Zab has you covered.
See you again soon Zab!
Krell is the boss from Dakine, a dedicated family man that still maintains his vigil in WoW to keep the denizens of Azeroth safe, particularly from the growing influence of old god corruption.
BFA saw Krell face one of his greatest antagonists from the Black Empire, the faceless general Za'qul. This would be a trying time for the warrior, but no matter how many times he was punted out of the circle, Krell would not be left down and out.
Brodo is new to the guild in the most recent tier of raiding, but has been one of our members who are still keen to do content even when there's not much going on.
Watch this space for updates to Brodo's profile.
While Morzan does not play the priest class, he is widely regarded as the most fierce acolyte of Lady Pussoir in the guild. Unfortunately, this means that his appearance in game can be somewhat sporadic.
Morzan returns this expansion with renewed vigour and hope. With the resurrected importance of class utility, this could be his time to shine. At least, so long as he plays a paladin and gives the right person wisdom.
Cyber is another new recruit to the guild. He often laughs at Arbi's jokes out of pity when nobody else does, making him a great asset to the team.
He has also tickled the snatch of Chris Hemsworth, but Cyber is not one to kiss and tell.
Watch this space for updates to Cyber's profile.
Bashme is one of the stranger members of the guild in that he is a kiwi. Many do not understand the mannerisms of his speech or his cultural intricacies, but this only adds to the mystery of Bashme.
Bashme rose to fame late in patch 8.2 where he ascended to the ranks of top 5 dps, a feat that earned him the respect of his peers.
Bashme has redoubled his efforts in the coming expansion, hoping to chase that high once again.
Dave was a part of the tanking team at the guild for quite some time. However, Dave did not like to share the role of tanking and would often inexplicably taunt mobs to inconvenient locations.
Despite parting ways with Dave, we wish him all the best for his future and his upcoming audition for Naruto on Ice.
No explanation required.